Wednesday, April 16, 2008

"Stranded" and "These Girls" (aka "The Bring on the Bikinis Weekend")

Look, let’s get one thing straight: the Phantom of the Landfill appreciates girls in bikinis as much as the next Phantom. But I’d rather see them at the local beach, instead of stuck in lousy movies with terrible screenplays, saddled with ridiculous dialogue. You know, as real people capable of intelligence, instead of just eye candy used to prop up dubious “entertainment.”

This weekend, the programmers at WABC-TV Channel 7 in New York appear to have a bit of “spring fever,” as they couldn’t resist giving us not one but two films featuring bikini-clad beauties.

And that is why, dear Phantom phans, you are getting two posts combined into one this week.

Let’s start with Saturday’s film. It’s called “Stranded.” It features two stars with pretty large followings: Erica Durance, aka Lois Lane from the ”Smallville” TV series; and Carlos Ponce, international star of tele-novellas and a pop-singing sensation.

In this one, a bride-to-be’s bridesmaids start disappearing one-by-one during her bachelorette party in the Carribean. Sounds like an overused plot that is probably full of clichés, but at least the girls look engaging instead of annoying.

I couldn’t find a trailer for this, but a person or persons called ”Reign of Terror” put together a nifty music video tribute to this movie on MySpace. Watch it here:

Or view the entire movie on WABC-TV Channel 7 at 11:35 PM on Saturday, April 19th… if you dare!

Now, onto our second movie, “These Girls.”

This time the girls look annoying instead of engaging.

But it’s really worse than that.

It’s hard to believe, but based on the trailer, this film is about three underage girls (ages 16 and 17, according to user comments on from people who have seen the movie) making a pact to share the duties of being the “hunk next door’s” baby sitter… and oh, so much more.

Yes, it’s true. This film promotes:

• Adultery
• Statutory rape
• Parental irresponsibility
• Promiscuous/casual sex
• Blackmail

...all this, served up under the guise of being a "lighthearted romantic comedy."

The only redeeming thing I can mention here is that the actresses portraying the girls were really all in their late 20’s when this was made. Small consolation, I realize.

I don’t know who thought this would be a good idea for a film. And speaking of “ideas,” I’m guessing the object of the title girls’ lustful conquests, David Boreanaz (now a big star in ”Bones”) wishes Channel 7 never got the idea to air it, either.

I’m actually encouraging you NOT to watch this trailer, but if you must, view it here:

I’d also like to encourage you to do whatever you can to avoid watching the entire film airing on WABC-TV Channel 7 at 11:35 PM on Sunday, April 20th, too.

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